The one who couldn’t get it up
I don’t believe in curses, but the week around the 12th of January I’m starting to get convinced otherwise. It begins on the Wednesday: I’m out after work getting a drink with a few of my colleagues, when one of them without my knowledge takes my phone and texts the guy I’ve been hooking up with a few times. Probably ruining my chances of ever seeing him again - or at least for the near future. Quite pissed off, but ok. At least I have a date set up for the following Saturday, with a 42 year old who wants to spoil me with cocktails, and texts me asking about my favourite books, instead of sending dick pics. Exciting!
If it wasn’t for the curse. Because come Friday, he cancels.
I decide to make plans with another guy I’ve been talking to instead, let’s call him ”the one with morals”. Did I mention that I’m very much fertile this week and my body wants to get laid? I am beyond ready, make up on point, hair like a mermaid, sexual frustration on my sleeves. And then he cancels. Because apparently he has a girlfriend and was supposed to cheat on her with me, but all of a sudden he’s feeling guilty. I can’t believe after all this, morals is getting in my way?
By this point I am not happy. No one in their right mind gets all dolled up just to go to bed and watch TV. But since I have great powers (or because men are easy) I of course manage to get another date within the hour. He is tall, dark eyes and beard, lives close to me, has his own flat and a sexy accent. Ticking all the boxes. He is doing ”dry January” but I’m having some wine and it’s going well; I’m funny, he’s nice. He tells me I’m cute and takes me to his place. Third time’s a charm! Finally I’m going to get laid. The making out part is great: on his sofa, me on top, it’s hot. He is using too much tongue, but I can overlook it. He takes me to the bedroom, clothes are coming off, you know how this part works. He tells me that he’s gonna need a minute, which is fine, I love making out anyway, building up, teasing. So we do that for a while…and longer…and longer. And he can’t get it up.
In my 27 year old life I’ve slept with around 40 people, and not once have this happened. I’m a nice person but have no idea how to react. I’m telling him it’s ok which it CLEARLY IS NOT, and I have to bite my lip not to laugh because this is just too much in one day. This is the moment I start to believe in curses.
I stay for an hour in his bed, half naked. I get tired of kissing him, his beard is irritating and he is obsessing about not getting hard. ”This happens quite a lot” to him apparently. I wonder what the etiquette is in this situation, when can I leave? When I finally do, it’s extremely awkward. ”Maybe next time” he says, and ”it was nice”. Yes, sure. When I leave his flat I can feel tears running on my cheeks from frustration, and I can’t stop giggling like a crazy person.
Just a note to guys that this happens to: if you can’t get it up, maybe try to please me in literally any other way?
Thanks in advance.
If it wasn’t for the curse. Because come Friday, he cancels.
I decide to make plans with another guy I’ve been talking to instead, let’s call him ”the one with morals”. Did I mention that I’m very much fertile this week and my body wants to get laid? I am beyond ready, make up on point, hair like a mermaid, sexual frustration on my sleeves. And then he cancels. Because apparently he has a girlfriend and was supposed to cheat on her with me, but all of a sudden he’s feeling guilty. I can’t believe after all this, morals is getting in my way?
By this point I am not happy. No one in their right mind gets all dolled up just to go to bed and watch TV. But since I have great powers (or because men are easy) I of course manage to get another date within the hour. He is tall, dark eyes and beard, lives close to me, has his own flat and a sexy accent. Ticking all the boxes. He is doing ”dry January” but I’m having some wine and it’s going well; I’m funny, he’s nice. He tells me I’m cute and takes me to his place. Third time’s a charm! Finally I’m going to get laid. The making out part is great: on his sofa, me on top, it’s hot. He is using too much tongue, but I can overlook it. He takes me to the bedroom, clothes are coming off, you know how this part works. He tells me that he’s gonna need a minute, which is fine, I love making out anyway, building up, teasing. So we do that for a while…and longer…and longer. And he can’t get it up.
In my 27 year old life I’ve slept with around 40 people, and not once have this happened. I’m a nice person but have no idea how to react. I’m telling him it’s ok which it CLEARLY IS NOT, and I have to bite my lip not to laugh because this is just too much in one day. This is the moment I start to believe in curses.
I stay for an hour in his bed, half naked. I get tired of kissing him, his beard is irritating and he is obsessing about not getting hard. ”This happens quite a lot” to him apparently. I wonder what the etiquette is in this situation, when can I leave? When I finally do, it’s extremely awkward. ”Maybe next time” he says, and ”it was nice”. Yes, sure. When I leave his flat I can feel tears running on my cheeks from frustration, and I can’t stop giggling like a crazy person.
Just a note to guys that this happens to: if you can’t get it up, maybe try to please me in literally any other way?
Thanks in advance.
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